


No Need To Say Sorry

by ZuffyLiLi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Goodbyes, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29878677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZuffyLiLi/pseuds/ZuffyLiLi
Summary: The story of how Bokuto Koutarou and Miya Atsumu became strangers.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou & Miya Atsumu, Bokuto Koutarou/Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Kudos: 7





	No Need To Say Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this entire fic was a Friday to Saturday fever dream. 
> 
> YES LAST WARNING NO HAPPY ENDING

If someone once asked Bokuto what could make him feel warm on days he felt cold, he would immediately answer the friendships he kept close to his dear heart. If someone once asked either Akaashi, Hinata, Kuroo, Tsukishima, Kita, Daichi, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Osamu, the rest of Fukurodani, the remaining members of the MSBY Black Jackals, the Japan National Team, and the list could keep going if what they think about the friendship they had with Bokuto Koutarou immediately everyone would respond with the answer “It’s like always having an adventure even when the day is peaceful”. 

All of Bokuto Koutarou’s friends love him.

But what does it feel like to be romantically loved by a Bokuto Koutarou? 

No one could ever answer it. 

Maybe Akaashi Keiji, the closest friend of Bokuto could answer the question? 

No, it wouldn’t be an accurate representation of Bokuto’s love.

For the curious reporters who have the patience to keep digging then they would stumble upon a person named, Atsumu Miya. Once a close friend now acquaintance (or maybe now a stranger) to Bokuto Koutarou. 

Atsumu Miya is a person of many things; he is the starting setter for the MSBY Black Jackals, an Olympian volleyball player, the second-best setter in all of Japan, Osamu Miya’s annoying twin, and lastly someone who Bokuto Koutarou once loved with all his heart. 

X

_ What did it feel like to be loved by the famous Bokuto Koutarou? _

A reporter once asked Atsumu this question during an interview for monthly Volleyball Japan. The interview was after Bokuto’s transfer to an international volleyball club in Argentina. Wild rumors started to spread in media outlets, the reason why the personified beam weapon transferred to an international team was because of personal problems with one of the MSBY members. 

At first, MSBY was determined to ignore the rumors because it didn’t have any proof…

That was the plan until the famous author and newly appointed editor-in-chief of Nightingale Publishing and Media, Akaashi Keiji, commented on Bokuto’s new Instagram photo. 

_ “Even if I don’t play anymore I will always give you my best sets when you ask for it”  _

A simple comment. 

But everyone in the volleyball community, especially those who have met Bokuto and Akaashi during their Fukurodani days knew the comment was a declaration of undying love and support for the ace. 

Atsumu answers the reporter with a simple response of “Bokkun’s love is warm”

_ “Bokkun loves in a very special way. The kind of love that will not ask for much, the love that has no strings attached, the love that doesn’t need you to make flowery promises about the future or anything, the love that will accept all your flaws without questions…” _

_ “The love that we can all call home…” _

_ X _

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

“Akaashi, how do I confess to someone I might love?”

“Might love?...”

“Well, I feel like I’m sure about this person but I also feel scared and unsure of my feelings for the person”

“Oh…do tell me more Bokuto-san so I can give you clear advice”

_ I wonder who captured Bokuto-san’s heart...I hope they take good care of him _

“I might have fallen in love with Miya Atsumu.”

“Oh…”

“I know it’s embarrassing!!! But please Keiji don’t tell Osamu!!!”

_ Oh, Bokuto-san...I hope Atsumu takes care of you _

“Your secret is safe with me. Now, how and why did you fall for Atsumu?”

“Atsumu is just...so passionate about volleyball, always striving to become a stronger player...aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!....he’s just so amazing and passionate, and…you get the point!!!”

“I understand Bokuto-san. Hmmm...maybe give yourself time to understand your feelings and when you feel like your feelings for Atsumu are 120% sure then go confess to him”

_ If he breaks your heart and makes you cry I will be here for you. 120% here for you. _

“Oh...alright Akaashi!! Thank you! You’re so smart and wise!! I miss you and I love you very much!!!”

“You’re welcome Bokuto-san. I love you and I miss you too”

“It was nice talking to you! I have to go. Coach Foster wants us early for practice! I miss your tosses and you!!!”

“Alright. I miss your spikes and you too”

  
  


_ X _

_ What caused the fallout between you and Bokuto? And why did it result in him leaving the MSBY black jackals?  _

Atsumu winces at the question. Meian and Foster had forbidden the team to mention the real cause of the fight between Atsumu and Bokuto. 

A fight that could have been avoided. 

No scratch that a fight that wouldn’t have happened if Atsumu just honestly came to terms with his broken heart and unrequited love for Hinata Shoyo. 

Hinata had only spent two seasons with the MSBY Black Jackals but to Atsumu it felt like two lifetimes going at hyper speed. 

Atsumu Miya and Hinata Shoyo. 

Their love story was like driving a Ferrari 812 into flaming chaos bound to fail from the start. 

But the fates were not on their side.

When Hinata Shoyo left the MSBY Black Jackals to join Asas Sao Paulo in Brazil he and Atsumu promised to try this whole long-distance relationship. 

At the same time, they would fix themselves, and when the time came for them to reunite the love they could give to each other would be whole and with no flaws.

_ But there is no such thing as a flawless kind of love… _

Bokuto had once told Atsumu when they talked about the long-distance set-up and during that conversation had shrugged it off as Bokuto just being concerned and being a friend. Atsumu would have never expected it as Bokuto giving him a slice of the love that Bokuto Koutarou could offer him. 

The slices came slowly in different forms of love.

_ “Hey, Tsumu-Tsumu! Don’t forget to eat!” _

_ “Do you want to have extra practice later?”  _

_ “Stay hydrated!” _

_ “Tsumu! Don’t forget if you have something heavy on your chest you can always talk to me!”  _

_ “Hey, Tsumu-Tsumu! Wanna go out later for lunch?” _

Atsumu could relate the experience to a mother who would equally slice the cake and carefully distribute the slices amongst her children that was how Bokuto gave his love. The slices may have been small but they were given carefully during the times Atsumu needed someone to love him. 

Bokuto had loved Atsumu as a friend first and last as a lover. 

The brain may have forgotten the story of the fight but the heart can recall it naturally as though it happened yesterday. 

_ The month of December was always filled with cold days because of the snow. But today was different. The sun was out to shine even in the cold and Bokuto had invited Atsumu out for a nice warm bowl of ramen at their favorite ramen restaurant.  _

_ Lunch was filled with small talk about life and random things, feather-light laughter, and the air around them was light with only the barest hint of tension. The ramen was delicious (maybe even better than the times they’ve dined here before) but the tea was too hot (burning Atsumu’s tongue and too hot for Bokuto to hold the cup). Maybe Kami-san sent the tea as a sign of the misfortune about to hit them.  _

_ Before lunch was finished… _

_ “I have a crush on you Atsumu. I mean to say is I love you, Atsumu Miya”  _

_ Time had stopped and Atsumu was left speechless. Bokuto took this as a sign to go on with his confession… _

_ “I’m not joking. If you want we could listen to the playlist I made for you!” _

_ “There’s this park just a few blocks away from here…”  _

_ A beep snaps Atsumu out of the trance making him ignore Bokuto’s nervous rambling confession. He checks his phone. A message from Hinata-Kun. Atsumu reads through the message. _

_ I think we should stop this… _

_ I’m sorry Atsumu I can’t give you the love you deserve. _

_ I don’t deserve the love you gave me. I’m sorry if I’m breaking our promise  _

_ Thank you for the past few months filled with love. _

_ Goodbye.  _

_ Atsumu’s eyes filled with tears of heartbreak, his mind thinking of all the times had fixed himself for the sun to return to a home not broken. _

_ No...you promised...I fixed myself for you. _

_ “Hey Atsumu, wanna go home now?”  _

_ In the heat of the moment, Atsumu had not noticed Bokuto gone silent, was looking at him with worried eyes, and lastly had paid for their lunch. They leave the ramen shop immediately. _

Atsumu doesn’t talk to Bokuto in the following days. 

Throughout the entire month of December, Bokuto had tried to comfort Atsumu but instead, Atsumu had given him the cold shoulder treatment. Meian and Barns had advised Bokuto to give Atsumu space and time to heal from the heartbreak. Inunaki, Thomas, Sakusa had all told Bokuto to just ignore Atsumu for the time. 

Even when January came in there was still no change in the cold treatment of Atsumu to Bokuto. 

In the first few weeks of the new month, the cold tension was no problem to the team and Bokuto was still having excellent performance. 

  
  
  


Then the tweet happened…

**_Official Atsumu Miya_ ** **@bettersettermiya** ****

Hahaha. Fuck this life (: 

**_Official Atsumu Miya_ ** **@bettersettermiya** ****

I fixed myself for you. Damn it.

Atsumu could remember the cold night and Bokuto’s worried expression. 

_ Leave me alone Bokkun. I honestly don’t want to talk to you right and it’s super clear I don’t want to talk to anyone, okay? And don’t even try to comfort or talk to me!  _

Maybe Atsumu should have been careful with how powerful his words could burn a hole through Bokuto’s heart.

The aftermath was like an immediate landslide caused by a super typhoon. 

At first, Meian and Foster thought Bokuto was just not feeling well so the team ignored him during the first few days because they knew he’d get out of it just before their big match with the EJP Raijins. 

The loss to the EJP Raijins was acceptable. 

It’s the new year and the EJP Raijins had just acquired a new player from the Sendai Frogs, the clever and cunning blocker, Tsukishima Kei. 

So, the raijins deserved the new because of their new defense technique.

Atsumu was glad no one had figured it out yet. 

But maybe Akaashi knew of the little spat that might have happened between him and Bokuto. If Akaashi knew anything he wasn’t saying. Although Atsumu could feel Akaashi throwing him daggered looks while comforting a depressed Bokuto.

_ Maybe I should have been careful?... _

Then their big loss to the Tachibana Red Falcons came in like another super typhoon.

An hour after the game, media outlets already had rumors going around that Bokuto was not performing in top condition due to drug withdrawal. 

Immediately the PR division of MSBY released a statement regarding Bokuto’s current condition. They vehemently denied Bokuto was experiencing drug withdrawal. Everyone who knew Bokuto came in his defense. 

While social media was in a frenzy of statements defending Bokuto and speculations on whether he’d get banned from volleyball because of high-performance drug use. 

The members of the Black Jackals plus a worried Akaashi Keiji were all called into the board room of MSBY management to discuss the problem. Currently. Akaashi, Meian, and Foster were discussing arrangements if Akaashi could stay with them and try to get Bokuto out of his funk. 

“Akaashi, Meian, and Foster are going to skin you alive if they find out you’re the reason why Bokuto is in such a depressive state...” 

Sakusa carefully whispers to Atsumu who immediately tenses up. Making sure no one was looking at them, Atsumu whispers back “How do you know?”

“Bokuto is not subtle about who has hurt him…”

Before Atsumu could explain his actions Coach Foster calls for their attention. Everyone turns to look at them. 

“Everyone, please welcome Bokuto’s personal setter, Akaashi Keiji” 

Suddenly the room felt tense as everyone’s eyes landed on Atsumu. They must be curious about Atsumu’s reaction to the news. Of course, he feels insulted and angered by this rather quick decision! He is after all ranked the second-best setter in all of JAPAN! Who could adjust to any volleyball player and give them one of the best and amazing tosses in their volleyball careers! 

And just because of a little fight Bokuto now deems Atsumu Miya’s tosses not acceptable! 

The little mother fucker! 

_ But he deserves to be happy and give each game 120%  _

A little voice in his head tried to reason with him. Guilt slowly crawling up his back. Swallowing his pride, Atsumu answers “It’s okay with me if Bokkun has his own setter. I just want my hitter to hit my tosses and not be scrubs” faking a smile to show everyone he was okay with the decision.

Bokuto wasn’t looking at him. 

Akaashi, Sakusa, Meian, and Coach Foster looked at him with eyes filled with doubt. While the rest of the team and members of the management looked convinced that everything was fine.

It was fine…

For awhile.

Atsumu takes a deep breath and summarizes his really long answer into one simple word. The reporter ready to record the statement, Atsumu smiles at them and finally speaks “We had a disagreement wherein we couldn’t make amends with each other. And it just caused a lot of tension between us resulting in poor performances during matches”

_ I should have apologized to Bokuto... _

X 

Bokuto Koutarou, a ball of chaotic energy always hungry for a fun game of volleyball, was now tired. Not because of playing high-level volleyball games but instead he was just emotionally tired of being in love. 

He was in love with his teammate, Atsumu Miya.

Maybe life had another person in mind when Bokuto was born into this world. 

Sadly, Atsumu doesn’t feel the same way and Bokuto understands the rejection. But what Bokuto could never understand was why did Atsumu have to be so cold and angry towards him…

_ Was it because I confessed? _

Bokuto had been asking himself every night and had been trying to reassure himself he was not the problem. But instead, the timing was off and Bokuto got the bad end of the stick. 

He reassured himself that come the new year Atsumu would be back to his normal annoying self.

The new year came, January was welcomed…

But Atsumu was still the same angry and cold person. 

So, Bokuto decided to give him more time to heal and so their interactions were very limited to practices and team activities (example: team dinner). They were civil but the conversation was limited to hi/how are you/good luck. Okay, maybe that was a simplified version of the conversations they would have but basically, that was the majority of it. But the minority of their conversations were just filled with Bokuto trying to break the ice with Atsumu’s cold treatment.

It didn’t work. 

Atsumu got more annoyed and angry, resulting in the coldness intensifying.

Practices became stressful due to the tension between him and Atsumu. 

Bokuto was now running to Akaashi more often now than before (just like their fukurodani days) and Akaashi every night would patiently listen to Bokuto’s ramblings about the situation. 

Akaashi couldn’t blame Atsumu nor could he blame Bokuto because the time was just really wrong for everything to happen all at once. But instead, Akaashi was worried about Bokuto’s emotional health and his performance for this season. 

The emotional stress of the situation could ruin Bokuto volleyball performance….

It did during the EJP Raijin’s game and again in the Tachibana Red Falcons game.

The loss to EJP was acceptable but the loss to the Tachibana wasn’t acceptable because in the middle of the game Atsumu and Bokuto had a little spat after the Tachibana blockers had stopped one of Bokuto’s powerful spikes. 

Cameras have taken multiple pictures of Atsumu and Bokuto squaring off during the fight. 

The media wasn’t paying attention to the fight but instead to Bokuto’s lackluster performances in both games, media outlets came into agreement Bokuto Koutarou was suffering drug withdrawal. 

Akaashi is the first to speak out on behalf of Bokuto and defend him with a passion. Then it’s the rest of the fukurodani volleyball alumni, their friends, other volleyball players who have been friends with Bokuto, and then it’s MSBY who makes the business-like statements and tweets. 

No one has suspected Atsumu as the main culprit in this whole situation. 

Except maybe Sakusa had suspected it, Meian must have guessed it but won’t speak up about it, Coach Foster has definitely figured it out and won’t bring it up unless Atsumu or Bokuto bring it up first. 

The rest must be clueless or have decided to ignore the tension between Bokuto and Atsumu. 

Akaashi is invited to the emergency meeting. 

The meeting takes only thirty minutes. Their decision? Akaashi will stay in Osaka to help Bokuto (glad his new job as an editor allows him to work remotely from anywhere as long as he can deliver the materials needed from him).

Akaashi will come out of retirement to set for Bokuto during practices.

Everyone knows that Akaashi “DESIGNATED BOKUTO HANDLER” Keiji’s sets will always bring out the best in Bokuto. Because according to the star/beam weapon ace Akaashi has the best sets even if he doesn’t play anymore or even if Bokuto had played with a few amazing setters. 

When Akaashi’s eyes land on Atsumu, he sees the MSBY starting setter carefully thinking of his response, and with a fake smile Atsumu agrees to the set-up.

For a while, it works. 

Bokuto is back to his energetic performance and his moods have been getting better. 

The tension is still there but it’s now more manageable because Akaashi has been practicing with Bokuto on his spikes after official team practices. 

Just like their old fukurodani days. 

The tension between the Atsumu and Bokuto has been growing even if everyone ignores it’s still present in the room. Ready to burst at any moment. And when the day came for the tension to burst it came in the form of an envelope. 

The envelope is addressed to Bokuto. 

The sender is from a volleyball club in Buenos Aires, Argentina. 

The envelope comes during official practice time, Bokuto hides it in his duffle bag. 

Everyone is curious as to why an Argentinian team is trying to recruit their beam weapon. Meian ushers the team to give Bokuto space, Foster gives an encouraging pat on the back, and Akaashi patiently waits for Bokuto to open up.

Before Bokuto could open up and read the letter, the delicate bubble filled with the cold tension suddenly pops. 

_ POP  _

the sound vibrates throughout the room, everyone stops what they’re doing, the room goes silent, and time slows down. 

All eyes and ears are now focused on Bokuto and Atsumu. 

“Tsss. A good and high ranking pro-volleyball Argentinian team should find a better outside hitter than ask moody entitled bratty boy like you to become one of their OHs”

Atsumu blatantly comments. Everyone awaits Bokuto’s response but he doesn’t speak, instead, he carefully folds and tucks the letter into the pocket of his jacket then leaves. 

It’s Meian who breaks the silence.

“Miya Atsumu can you please stop this ice king treatment towards Bokuto and for once swallow your pride so you can apologize properly to Bokuto. We all understand you’re still healing from the heartbreak Hinata left you but we draw the line in making our teammates a punching bag for anger and unrequited love! So, go out there and find Bokuto in the rain!”

Atsumu is left speechless. 

Meian pushes him out of the room to go chase after Bokuto. Just like in the movies the rain suddenly becomes a downpour and Atsumu is now completely soaked. He finds Bokuto in the neighborhood park sitting on the swings. As Atsumu approaches him the winds slowly pick up speed, the sky turns darker, and the rain keeps pouring down like a waterfall. 

Today heaven was crying for love lost to the winds.

_ I’m so going to get sick… _

“What did I do to you, Miya? To receive a cold treatment and your anger…”

_ So, now it’s Miya...not Atsumu, no Tsumu, nor not Tsumu-Tsumu...okay I deserve that. _

“All I ever did to you Miya was confess my love for you…” 

The question of  _ why hate me and make me your punching bag  _ stays in the air. Bokuto looks at Atsumu as though it was his fault why the stars fell from the heavens above.  _ Was there a time Bokkun looked at me? Like I was responsible for why the stars shined so brightly in the night...maybe there was once a time but now is not the time to let regret sink in. _

“Bokkun...I-”

“I confessed my love to you because the truth would set you free was one thing I believed and because what I felt for you was so strong that I couldn’t sleep anymore. Yeah, the truth set me free but I lost you. I lost a dear friend just because of a stupid silly love confession that took place at the same time when you got your heartbroken!”

The hurt and sadness in Kou’s eyes are clear as day. Seeing it up close now with a beaten-up and tired Bokkun made Atsumu feel guilty about how he treated Kou the past few months. He knows every reason is valid but there are lines when one reason is too much and now his very valid reason of heartbreak is now not valid as of the moment.

_ Time to face the music. _

“Confessing my love to you, didn’t just make me lose a dear friend but it also made me your appointed punching bag! Just because I was there with you in your moment of heartbreak! From a warm and friendly person, you transformed into an ice king overnight! I Used to tell myself I deserve an acceptable reason but now I won’t ask you or give you the chance to explain whatever happened to us…”

“Bokuto, please let me explain...I was just heartbroken and angry about the whole thing with Hinata...I couldn’t think clearly-”

_ I’m so sorry if I unintentionally made you my punching bag….please let’s talk… _

But the thought never leaves Atsumu’s mind because Bokuto stands up and looks down on him. The rain darkened Bokuto’s expression. A wave of guilt and regret starts to sink in the bottom of Atsumu’s stomach. 

“Akaashi made me realize the world does not owe me an explanation or a sorry even if I want one to just give myself and my heart a little bit of peace. But no. You don’t need to explain to me nor apologize to me, Miya. It’s not our fault that our hearts got broken at the same time. I have made peace with whatever reason you had to put the blame on me…”

“Bokkun please let me explain..”

At this point, the Atsumu wants to reach out and bring Bokuto somewhere warm and dry and safe for them to talk about this whole disaster. But Bokuto slaps Atsumu’s outreached hand and takes a step back.

“Miya, no. I’m tired. Emotional and physically tired. Delete whatever reason you were about to tell me. I’m tired of trying to understand what happened between us, being your punching bag, fighting for the remains of our friendship, and lastly, I’m tired of trying to find acceptable reasons why I have to keep understanding you. Because I’m only human...and I have limits to things I try to understand…”

The rain slowly eases into a drizzle, the winds die down, and the dark clouds slowly become a lighter color of grey. It was heaven’s way of easing into the goodbye.

“I regret confessing my love to you. If Hinata told you he couldn’t give you the love you deserve then I’m letting you go because my love for you is too powerful, out of control, and it’s hurting me already. Goodbye Atsumu Miya, may the heavens grant your wishes whatever you wish for.”

Bokuto leaves a heartbroken Atsumu in the rain. 

In the following days, Akaashi comes to clean up Bokuto’s dorm room, comes to pack any personal belongings, and deliver the necessary documents needed for Bokuto to leave MSBY. 

It takes the media a month to notice the absence of Bokuto “beam weapon” Koutarou in the Black Jackals’ starting line-up. When the media finally questions where Bokuto is MSBY and Bokuto both release a statement. 

_ Due to personal conflict within the team, I have decided with a broken heart to leave MSBY Black Jackals to pursue volleyball on a different stage in another part of the world…. _

The statement reads. 

Three months after Bokuto has left the Black Jackals a phone call for Meian comes in. Coach Foster, Meian, and the other members of the black jackals will be attending Bokuto’s farewell party. Leaving Sakusa and Atsumu alone for the night.

“I already sent my farewell gift to Bokuto and I met up with him this morning” 

Sakusa answers before Atsumu could ask the question. 

So, Atsumu continues to wallow in heartbreak, guilt, and regret.

_ I should have been careful with my words _

X

It’s after the Paris Olympics.

When the Black Jackals receive an invitation to Bokuto’s wedding. 

_ You are cordially invited to the wedding of Bokuto Koutarou and Akaashi Keiji in…. _

Meian and the team are excited about the trip, they have missed Bokuto and Akaashi. Coach Foster starts to arrange plans for the trip. Everyone starts to chat amongst themselves making plans for the trip.

The wedding is scheduled during the off-season in Japan. 

“Here take this”

Atsumu looks up to see Sakusa handing him over a can of beer. 

They locked eyes and understanding pass between the both of them. 

Over the years Atsumu and Sakusa have formed an understanding friendship of sorts. The media has speculated there’s something going on but they don’t comment on it. 

The friendship requires no flowery words of an epic story of love because Sakusa understands the pain Atsumu has been secretly hiding for the past few years. Kiyoomi sits beside Atsumu and starts to watch a documentary when he feels Atsumu about to speak.

“We can talk later but first we need to get drunk”

  
  


END

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> DELETED SCENES
> 
> Akaashi and Atsumu having a conversation about how assholic and unfair Atsumu is to Bokuto  
> Inunaki, Thomas, and Barns confronting Atsumu  
> Atsumu hearing Bokuto and Akaashi having whispered conversations   
> BokuAka wedding scene  
> Sakusa tells Atsumu “Just fix yourself first. Don’t rush your healing”


End file.
